Sunday, March 23, 2008

Ever Feel like The Black Sheep?

Here I am at a mere 1/4 of a century old and feel like I am stuck in the mind of a 75 year old. Maturity hit me years ago and I had to grow up really fast, mostly by choice. You know the saying "If you do what you've always done, then you will get what you've always got" ??? I comprehend that. Coming from a family of three kids, me being the only girl and the youngest, I have come to realize I don't fit in with my family. Even at a young age I could tell I was different. I will explain to you why:
1. I am a problem solver. If you come to me with a problem, I want to help you fix it, whether work related, marriage related or just life in general, I want to help you fix it. No one else in my family is like that. They see a small problem and it consumes them, seeing no light at the end of the tunnel and never seeking a solution.
2. I can accept and adapt to change. I welcome it actually. Change gives people a chance to grow and see things they wouldn't normally get the opportunity to experience. No one else in my family sees that. Change is a big problem and just creates more chaos.
3. I want better for myself and my kids than what I had. The only child out of three to actually own a home, be married, go to college, hold a job, have the "want" to become more, and not just for a quick dollar.
4. I am able to step back and look into a situation from all points of view. Everyone else in my family suffers from tunnel vision.

Now, because I am sooo different from everyone else, I get the usual "your such a bitch", "you think you are better than everyone else", "you are not who you think you are", "why can't you just see things our way", "you're smart, just keep your mouth shut and people MIGHT like you" or the famous.... "just let it go, no one is going to listen to you anyways".

I have decided that the only way for me to keep my sanity and be able to maintain what life I have started for myself and my family and for us to prosper, is to distance myself from the "other family". Harsh I know, but I have had it. My husband loves me and my kids love me and everyone else around me loves me. No one but "the other family" want me to change who I have become or who I am becoming. I refuse to keep getting sucked back into a life I know is not for me. I compare this situation to a relationship that went sour a long time ago, but no one wanted to be the one to end it, until one person in the relationship decides they HAVE to move on. I want peace, a sense of normalcy, I want acceptance, which I will never get from any of them.

I've felt like an outsider, or a black sheep for soo long I began to start thinking the problem was me, and now I know it's not me, it's them. So here's to a start of a revolution in my life, wish me luck.

P.S. sorry for the rant, but I needed to vent. Thanks.


Amphritrite said...

You're not the only one :)

I have two families. My dad's family is me, plus three little boys. My father's an alcholic, and my eldest younger brother is nine years younger than me. My stepmother is, in my opinion, just as insane as my father. When I was nineteen, after being the person who constantly put work into the relationship and had her feelings stepped on over and over, I told him to take a hike (in a polite, I can't do this anymore way). I got the most horrible hate-letter from my stepmother a week later - obviously, because naturally the whole sitch was my fault.

Flash over to my other family. My mother's family is me, an elder brother and a younger sister. My brother and I held ourselves together throughout an abusive childhood with a bad stepfather, leaning on one another through it all. My sister was his and therefore, treated much better in our eyes than we were. After we divorced him, my mother began making really bad personal decisions, and where I stuck up for her, realizing she had to make those mistakes, my brother and sister banded together in persecution. I moved away to get away from the craziness (3000 miles) so that I could find my own sanity.

Found it! Four years later, I moved back. When you're able to make your peace with the ones who drive you up the wall, you, too, will go back. Take a breather for now, just step away. All black sheep need time to learn that being the odd one out isn't so bad. Sometimes, it's precisely what both parties need to realize before they can come together again.

Average Girl In Average World said...

Thank you. This is a sad time for me, as it is for anyone going throught the same thing... realizing the people you loved all your life are not who you thought they were. Having to step aside is most difficult. Thanks for showing I am not the only one. :) :)

Two Date Diva said...

Yep, I know exactly what you mean. I have distanced myself from my family because of all of the negativity and drama. I am learning though that detaching is a great thing and you can be detached without having to completely let go.

A lot of detaching is done with silence. I have begun practicing what the Tao Te Ching refers to as Living by Silent Knowing. Many times when family and friends are making horrible mistakes (and you know it)I have found that I have to remain silent, knowing they will be disappointed, but also knowing that they have to experience that for themselves. That is how they learn not to repeat the mistake. Sometimes they will repeat it until they figure out a better way. I have had to practice this with my sister lately. She is making huge life altering decisions that I believe will only backfire on her. However, I listen and remain silent and remind her that if things don't work out I'll still be there. She has shut out all of the people that keep warning her about her decisions. So, I am silent, but I know. Besides, what if I'm wrong? Even though things may appear as though they will not work out, I could be wrong. So these days, I only offer support and not counsel. My life is free of her self induced drama and she still has one person left to talk to because she doesn't feel judged by me. It's a win/win. It ain't easy but it works.

Laura and John Wooters said...

Girl, I totally feel where you're comming from! I never thought I would be that person who had to cut myself off, but here I am. I'll spare you from my story!

Average Girl In Average World said...

As I speak about this issue, more people seem to have gone through it then just me. Thank you for the support :) Average Girl.