Thursday, July 31, 2008

How Do You Like Your Eggs?

I understand this topic may be touchy for some of you, but I am going here anyway...

In the news today I was reading about how women are selling their reproductive eggs. Yes, their eggs. They say the process takes about 3 weeks (that's prepping your body with vitamins, ect...)and you can get around $7,000 for selling your eggs. Your side effects are like that of PMS. Is it controversial? Yes. Why? Because everyone wants to decide what the hell to do with everyone else's body.

I am a healthy 26 year old woman. I have had 2 children *heathens*. Endured a tubal litigation, so therefore plan to NEVER have anymore children. Now, my body was born with all the eggs I was ever going to get. As a woman, your body does not keep reproducing more eggs, what you have today - will be even less tomorrow. Also, all the women on my maternal side have been through menopause WAY EARLY in life.

With all that being said, if I could find a hospital or clinic close enough that did this sort of thing - sadly enough I would whore my eggs out to pay bills off. Which is why this type of thing is becoming so popular to begin with. The economy is causing people to take extreme measures to make ends meet. Also, college girls are doing to pay off their student loans, ect...

My question to you is, If you had the option to whore your eggs out, would you? And why?

Monday, July 28, 2008

Fanny Packs

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the BIGGEST No-NO of clothing accessories. The Fanny Pack!!!

I thought the MIL was trying to be funny by bringing it with her, but she was serious as they come. We have had this discussion some time ago, in which during that conversation we also discussed those 1 piece terry cloth looking outfits that used to be big (like fanny packs were at one time).

Now this is where I need your help my blogger friends.....Please send some links, ect.. where I can find the worst fanny pack ever sold. This is going to be one great Christmas!!!

I look forward to the coments in this one.....

Friday, July 25, 2008

Love Notes

This my friends is why I married my husband. When I woke up this morning, for no reason there was this note....

Aaawww you say? And he hasn't done anything wrong, but....he does want some booty. So I guess I will oblige him.....just not in the woods.

Friday Ramblings....

1. Checked the trusty old puter last night when I got home. It was not as bad as hubby explained to me. I was thinking the puter was completely broke - as in can't even turn it on. It did allow me to turn it on, and look at any file/picture ect.. I wanted, but no Internet access. Which means no breaks for Mommy this weekend. I usually surf the net when the kids have their "quiet time".

2. My brother moved his thigh muscle! He can flex the muscle in both legs and move one leg side to side about an inch or so. If I have told you this already I am sorry, but we are ECSTATIC! He could have got up and walked and I wouldn't have been more happy. When you go from NOTHING, NO MOVEMENT for 6 months, to flexing a thigh muscle - I cried in the car. I had a happy. That bitch has a new boyfriend/victim - same thing. So watch out single men, she is looking.

3. The Son has not put his hands on the wee-wee since the other night!!! Another one bites the dust...

4. Fucking Beetles have tried to take over my Crepe Myrtle and my cucumber plants. Bastards... I have resorted to spraying Ortho Max. Guess I can't claim to be organic now. Oh well. All that hard work and money is not going down the drain.

5. I will miss you all this weekend :(

Thursday, July 24, 2008


Ok I admit it, I am a MILF. A 26 year old MILF. That word sucks. It even sounds dirty.

(washes her mouth out with soap)

Even on a day like today, looking all sad, head hurting and wanting to rip the face off anyone who even thinks about looking at me. I still get whistled at.

Now I am tooting my own horn here, high school, I was a hot mess. The boys loved me only because they thought I might put out (ok, maybe I did some, but not as many rumored) Since I have pushed my 2 lovely monsters out, I have put on some *cough" lots of weight, and since recently losing it, I am feeling pretty hot again. But not today, please leave me, greasy unwashed hair and all ALONE.

Tomorrow may be different *wink,wink* but not today people. Besides I just got news my computer at home got hit last night by the storm we had. Yes my puter was shut down - it came through the phone line - "it had to ground somewhere" the technical told me. You know my response? "Well you suck and so does comcast for not getting high speed to me so boo"

4 years of pictures - basically my son's whole life is on there. But not to worry, I WILL get my DOCS/PICS/PORNO back (just kidding about the porn).

Another day in the neighborhood.

Details of My Birfday

I worked all day, which was OK. Mamma's got to make that dollar. I get home, hubby still working late. See, I told him all I wanted was dinner and cake. Well, he had not mentioned dinner at all to me, so when I got home even though I had taken nothing out of the freezer for dinner - my lovely Daughter suggests we have breakfast for dinner. What a fabulous idea. So I make scrapple, eggs over easy, toast and orange juice. Just as it gets done, I put a plate in the microwave for hubby. Soon as I shut the door - he walks in the door. Pull the plate back out. Sit down and eat - which it was very satisfying by the way....

We finish and my daughter runs in the utility room,m comes running back at me with a gift bag yelling "Moooommmmy, we got you a present". I was shocked. So I opened the 15 cards!!! lol.... then open the present. I got a Citizen, Eco-Drive watch from Littman Jewelers!!!!!! Complete with a Mother Of Pearl face. If you are not familiar with these watches, they never need a battery or to be wound up - they run off the Sun. Now they are by no means a Rolex or Tiffany's but it is STILL A DAMN NICE WATCH. Unfortunately it needs 2 links taken out of it so it will fit properly, and he is taking care of that today.

So after I try the watch on, I say "OK, where's the cake"? For some reason I get this wrinkled, pretzel twisted face looking back at me. "HUH"? "Cake"? Then he looks up horrified "OMFG----WE HAVE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE HAVEN'T WE"? I say "Why yes babe, how would you feel if your lovely mother did not bring your prized German chocolate cake every year to you"? He suggested we wait and see if his Mom brought it over (she was on her way). Of course - MIL comes through for me. I shoveled 2 pieces of cake and 2 servings of Ice cream in my face. YUMMMMYY!!!!!

Then I start to develop a MASSIVE headache and felt like I was coming down from a major buzz. HAD.TO.LAY.DOWN.

8:25 p.m. I am sleeping like a baby. No mandatory birthday nookie, just a simple leave me the hell alone and let me sleep. I woke sometime last night to no covers, naked and sweating like I belonged in a jungle - head throbbing. So this morning when the alarm went off it got threw across the room, I cussed hubby out for buying an alarm clock that was sooo loud (it really isn't I just felt that way) and laid there feeling like I could throw up any minute.

I got my shit together and made it to the shower and got dressed, did absolutely nothing with my hair and no makeup and headed out the door with my two hellion's who were already arguing - which I put a quick stop to. Here I am feeling like poop, looking like poop and feeling like the birfday cake could come back up any minute. Thank goodness for Dayquil cold & flu.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

What? When Did This Happen?

Today my peeps is my birfday. I am all of 26. Over the hump. Officially closer to 30 than 20.

I am at work, racking my brain as to what awaits me when I get home. I took nothing out for dinner in hopes of getting a meal prepared for me at a local restaurant. Cake, I want it. Dieting is all good, but I gots to have some cake on my birfday. One year, my hubby thought it would be OK to fore go a cake----bad move. Even though I am past the tween years or OK even the toddler years I still want a cake on my birfday.

No gifts on my list this year. Everyone is feeling the pinch of the economy, so I meant it when I said "no gifts, just dinner and cake".

So....Happy Birfday Average Girl.

Friday, July 18, 2008

I Just Literally Kissed Your Ass?!?!?!?!

My poor son has an obsession. An obsession with his wee-wee. At four years old, he is already turning into his father. It seems like every time I look at him his hands are down his drawers, whether watching TV, playing a game, or whatever - hands are on the wee-wee.

The village involved with his upbringing is trying to break him of this. BUT HE WON'T STOP.

Last night was the final straw, I had all I could take.

Here he comes over to me, sweet as pie after getting ready for bed "mommy, you forgot my hug and kiss". So I say " come here baby, mommy didn't forget about you, give me some lovies" I give him a HUGE hug and then he kisses me. AS SOON AS HE KISSED ME ALL I COULD SMELL WAS SHIT. I know what happened, he had just had his hands down his pants, then stuck his fingers in his mouth (which this is becoming a habit also) and then kissed me. NASTY LITTLE......bugger.

I smacked his fingers and proceeded to explain that- that was it, the final straw, that there will be NO MORE hands down the pants EVER! And how WE DO NOT SUCK OUR FINGERS (neither of my kids were pacifier or thumb suckers - so they are not starting now) and also HOW NASTY IT IS, and finally WHAT MOMMY GOT ON HER MOUTH.

The we walked to the bathroom, he washed his hands - re-brushed his teeth and went to bed.

Then hubby finally comes home (working late) and my son runs to him to tell on me. Well, Daddy give him some love and told him the same thing I know, it's nasty, we have been telling you not to do it, ect..... then walked him to bed. He comes over to me and wants to know everything that happened. I was soo disgusted I was pacing the room telling him. I look over and he's laughing at me "hahahah, you got shit on your mouth!" "was it good?". I was so frustrated I started laughing and told him to get the fuck out of my face and leave me alone.

I literally just kissed my sons ass. Nice.......

Blonde Moment........

OK, in my header of this blog, I put "please email me with questions" well......I left no email address. It is there now, so me!!!!

This Is Where The Bite Happened

That sexy backside is the hubby!!! I thought this was a great picture by the way, a little grainy but I was using an off brand disposable camera (I still have not purchased a new one).

Like the title said, this was where the bite happened. We were on our way back to.......uummmm....well you know, and as he was walked all excitedly fast in front of me (just like a man) I snapped this pic.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Daily Recipe: Zucchini Lasagna

3 - medium zucchini's
3 cup - shredded moz. cheese
1 - sm. jar Spag. Sauce - your choice
Salt, pepper, season to taste

Take zucchini and slice long ways in thin strips. Place on cookie sheet, drizzle EVO (extra virgin olive oil) and season. Cook on 375 about 15 minutes. Once done leave oven on, spray 8x8 or 9x9 casserole dish with Pam or other non-stick spray. Now the fun part - layer sauce, zucchini and cheese until you get to top or run out of zucchini. Top with a load of cheese. Leave uncovered, put back in hot oven until top is golden brown - about 25 minutes.

The fun thing about this recipe is it can be an appetizer on crackers or baguette, or side dish, or main course.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Dr. Update

Messy bloodwork and inconclusive results. Wait 6 weeks retest. On antibiotics for a while as a precaution.

boo :(

Friday, July 11, 2008

So You Wanna Get Freaky In The Woods?!?!?!?!

When you are camping with family in tight quarters, it's kinda hard to "take care of business" as usual. So we improvised. That means we headed to the woods. Kinky I know, but hey, we're married and still VERY MUCH ATTRACTED to each other.

Anyways, he ended up with a tick on his balls and me with a tick on my right boob. Stuck on the nipple - yes the nipple. I pulled it off - which hurt like a bitch, but now 6 days later it is draining fluid and I have a rash that is not a bulls eye - but looks like a healing hickey. Kinda spotty, almost like a healing bruise. I don't know how else to describe it.

So I have a Dr. Appt. in about 45 minutes to have it looked at. Please wish me luck that it is not Lyme Disease. boo :(

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

My 100th Post

I made it to 100!!!!

Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to all my readers out there who keep on reading! You all are awesome. Without you, I would have stopped a long time ago.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

It's Funny What Can Make You Think of Your Spouse / Sig. Other

This one's for you Babe!!!

Must Be a Good Hair Day

If we ever get the chance to meet - Don't.Ever.Touch.My.Hair.

Pet Peeve doesn't even describe it. When I was little my hair was almost white and was down to my butt. A nappy but stick straight, unruly, ignorant mess. You could brush it and 2 seconds later looked like a rats nest. Do you know how many times I got cracked in the head with a paddle brush? "Sit still, stop pulling, it doesn't hurt...." BULL FUCKING SHIT! IT HURTS!!! Eventually I got control over my hair, control was about it, it took me til recently to really get it right - thanks Mama Mel (if your visiting)!!

Back to my thought - anyways, people have this "THING" with touching my hair. DON'T. In school, it got pulled, become a gum depository or a spit drop off. So since then I just don't like people touching it. Not even hubby, my daughter asks if she can brush my hair - ummm.....NO. But today - 3 PEOPLE TRIED TO FONDLE MY HAIR. 2 people in the convenient store - whom I did not know, then my hubby this morning, who know s better - and makes fun of me for it.

Like I said, it must be a good hair day!!!

Monday, July 7, 2008

How Was Your Holiday Weekend?

I hope it was wonderful. I hope you got drunk and enjoyed the fireworks!!!!

We went a camping with all 4 of us, my MIL, SIL her boyfriend and 2 kids- yee haw ya'll !!!!!

No it wasn't THAT bad. There were 9 people cramped in a camper trailer (with a huge addition built onto it). The experience was better then expected. The four kids that were there (2 - mine, other 2 were cousins) stayed up to the rec hall most of the time, or were outside spraying each other down with their new super soakers.

What did we do?
Got Drunk - more than once
Crabbing - hubby got his finger pinched, and we got a ticket warning from DNR - no female crabs this year people.
Swimming in the ocean - complete with water snakes
Visited the local carnival
Eat, Eat, Eat, you see where this is going
Walked trails
Had to repair my grocery getter - the rain filled up in my head lights and caused BOTH bulbs to blow. Freak accident, but will never happen again - we drilled small holes in the bottom of the head lights.

We spent a total of $120.00 for 3 days. $50.00 was for gas the rest was spent on food and video games.

One thing I noticed......when you get a group of people together there is always someone who is a lazy bitch. No names but a man that come with another family member did absolutely nothing, NOTHING. Just sat in a chair outside, didn't talk to anyone but thought it was ok to tell my daughter to "keep her little mouth out of it".... He almost got a right from her Daddy. So as we were all crabbing our asses off, you know getting filthy, stinking dirty, walking out in 4 foot of muck and mud and even the kids working their butts off - and he is going to sit his lazy ass in a chair and go to sleep. I was praying he would try to stick his hand in the crab pot when we got home to eat them crabs - -- I would have smacked his fingers and told him about himself - you no help - you get no crab!!! Think I wouldn't? I asked my Mother in Law if that was Ok first and she told me go for it - I tell you it's nice to know your MIL has your back :) But...we didn't get enough crabs to bring home and eat. so boo :(

On the journey back home yesterday, we were about 1/2 mile from our house and all of a sudden it started pouring sooo hard you could not see 10 feet in front of you. So I only had the key to a door that we don't use that much on the house - so I was running around the yard splashing water up to my butt trying to get in the house. Finally got in and basically collapsed a little while later.

I could rip my calf muscles off and beat that lazy ass man with them :) They hurt so bad from all the walking - and I only had flip flops on so it's my own fault. Hey at least I had some kind of shoes on. Now I just have to get back in Normal mode...eewwww...........................

Oh----I could not get the drink I promised "Rickstasy" made - the one place we went for dinner did not carry Bailey's. So no picture for you, but I will get one soon.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

This is Your Brain on Drugs

After Drugs. That guy grabbing her arm should be careful - he might break it.

Before Drugs- Look at this HOT thing!!!!!
Ah, me maties..... the British pop wreck. If you do not know "who" she is, please Google her.

Some Quotes from Amy:

Amy: I know I'm talented, but I wasn't put here to sing. I was put here to be a wife and a mom and look after my family. I love what I do, but it's not where it begins and ends. **Ok, you want to be a mom? Please look up fetal alcohol syndrome. **

Amy: I don’t think your ability to fight has anything to do with how big you are. It’s to do with how much anger is in you. ***This I agree with, most of the time when you piss someone off - they are the ones to KICK YOUR ASS****

Amy: (About her health) A little bit of anorexia, a little bit of bulimia. I'm not totally okay now but I don't think any woman is. **She may have something here, at least she is honest.***

Amy: (about cocktail Rickstasy) By the time you’ve had two of them you’re like, don’t even try and go anywhere. Sit down and stay down, until the birds start singing. **See recipe below, I will be trying it this weekend, and I will produce a picture for you**

Recipe - Rickstasy

3 part vodka

1 part Southern Comfort

1 part Banana Liqueur

1 part Bailey's


IMHO - We will be burying Amy Winehouse very shortly. Winehouse had Impetigo in her cheek last year. She was also recently diagnosed with early stages of emphysema. All them cigs and crack pipes just take it right out of ya. It is like watching an accident happening and not being able to stop it. You freeze in fear. Winehouse is wasting away. She is listed at 5'2" and MAYBE 95 lbs. It makes me so sad to see this happening.



I just can not do/type/write what I need to. I CAN'T DO IT. It doesn't feel right. It is causing me to have writers block.