Friday, August 1, 2008

Random Conversations With the Hubby.

I have been accumulating these for some time......enjoy

AG: Hunny, I was thinking about cutting our sons hair into a Mohawk.
AG: Why? I saw this little boy at the beach, he was the same age and had one. It was soooooo cute and dyed blue.
Hubby: No Mohawk, no blue hair. Why can't you just want normal things for our children?
AG: Their father isn't normal, so why try to fix things now?

Hubby: You know, I was talking to "James" the other day about you.
AG: What have I told you about telling people about our sex life?
Hubby: "James" was telling me how hot he thought you were when he first met you. He told me he was hoping you were my sister so he could hit on you.
AG: Doesn't that make you wonder what kind of friend is he?
Hubby: Oh no, he's cool. But anyways, he said your not the same. And you know, I agreed with him. I told him how most people say I took a completely submissive, young beautiful girl and turned her into a raging bitch.
AG: You actually called me a raging bitch? TO YOUR FRIEND?
Hubby: Not like that. Plus he laughed and pointed at me while saying, now she takes all your money and give orders like a drill Sergeant. I think at one point he may have even called me a bitch.
AG: Good. Bitch. Now give me some money, Momma needs some new shoes.

AG: Why do you insist on leaving all your magazines laying around?
Hubby: At least I read.
AG: Is that the best you got there Mr. Buckmaster with a moped?
Hubby: That's it, I'm going to bed.

(this took place after Hubby put me on flip flop restriction - as in I am not allowed to buy anymore for the rest of the season. For me or our daughter, boo:( )
AG: Hunny, you know, you have reaaalllly great looking feet. No calluses, no bunions, no yellow toenails. Your feet are nice shaped and clean. I think you would look great in some flip flops. maybe even sexy.
Hubby: Look woman, I am 34 years old and I haven't wore flip flops for last 33.5 years and no one can make me now.
AG: Even if I bribe you with some love?
Hubby: I don't know, it depends on if you want me to wear them to bed.
AG: Even better
Hubby: Oh shit, what did I just get myself into. (as he watches me grab my purse and head out the door to buy his flip flops)

Hubby: Are you ever going to wash clothes?
AG: I wash a load everyday, then on weekends I try to catch up.
Hubby: Well, I need work pants.
AG: Didn't you know that last night? You know, that you were going to work this morning?
Hubby: Your a smart ass.
AG: Well babe, you can't complain about things not getting done if you don't help. I have not been fortunate enough to stay home. I have to work 40 hours week like you.
Hubby: Oh no, not like me. I work outside in the heat, or the freezing cold, every weekend, holiday and any other time "the man" says I have to.
AG: Hey Mr. Sensitive, it's not my fault you chose the line of work you did.
Hubby: (looking up) Lord, what could I have possibly done to deserve such a wonderful wife?
AG: Just by being your sweet self, and for being an asshole all those years before you met me!!!


justmylife said...

You and your husband sound a lot like me and my husband. He forever wants to know when I am going to grant his wish and divorce him! heh!!

Average Girl In Average World said...

You tell him...NEVER, HAHAHAHHHAA.

Thanks for stopping by!

Two Date Diva said...

"Good. Bitch. Now give me some money, Momma needs some new shoes."

Priceless, effing priceless, now I know I want to be you when I grow up!

Average Girl In Average World said...

@Diva - "Momma needs some new shoes" is my tag line. Everyone who knows me personally knows how I love my shoes, and yours, and theirs, all shoes except mocissans

theneatos said...

ahha! I keep trying to let my noodle pierce her nose or dye her hair. She is always stealing my thunder - damn little rule follower.

Average Girl In Average World said...

@theneatos - that's cute!