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Friday, January 30, 2009

A Funny Story Involving Tattoo's And Sissy Babies


I am the sissy baby mentioned above. On my 20th birthday - hubbs agreed to get me a tattoo. We went to a local - yet VERY HIGHLY recommened parlor. We walk in, I tell them what I want, they scan and show me the artwork, I agree, we move to the back room.


Now, as I entered the back room, hubbs was behind me and got stopped by a rather big fellow "Sir, only the patient can enter you have to go to the waiting room" . So hubbs turned around and went to the waiting room - right outside the back room. He said the last thing he heard was "Ok, Average Girl......Drop your pants"


That always sounds good, but not from this guy.


Anywho.... He worked and worked and raked my skin and made me cry and moan in pain. Once the outline was complete I requested a break to get a smoke in.


BAD MISTAKE.


I walked outside, lit a smoke, took about 2 puffs off it and the last thing I remember was leaning to my hubby and saying "I, I, I don't feel very well"


I was out like a light. Passed out cold. Good thing he was there because he said I just collapsed and he caught me right before my face hit the concrete sidewalk.


Never dropped my smoke though!! Loyalty - one thing I am good for.


We went back in and I told the guy I was done. He said Ok but I still had to pay full price - no problemo dude - just let me leave.


Hubbs told me once we left how bad his feet hurt. I said "Your Feet??? WTF??? Why do your feet hurt?" He said while I was in the room all he could here was me moaning and groaning and his nerves caused his toes to curl up in a ball. He thought his wife was getting violated!!!! LOL.


It is still un-finished. Boo :(

She's A Believer


My daughter that is.


Infomercials.... her weakness.


"But Mom, Snuggies are awesome and, AND, you don't have to unwrap to answer the phone, you know Daddy will LOOOOVE that"!!!


"Hey Mommy, on TV they showed this thingy that you can use to scrub circles on your face, and it will get rid of those bumps, you know, like those two on your face"? She told me this one as I was applying makeup.


Mental note to self, no more morning news for the kids.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

A Thousand Words Thursday



I'm King of the World!!!!
For more "A Thousand Word Thursday" participants, visit Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy by clicking here
Happy Thursday!!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Monday Minutes.....

For those of you that follow my every move on Twitter (and for those of you who do not - please look to my right sidebar) heard a family secret get exposed recently.

Family should be transparent - like Obama's Government goal. Now, those of you loyal visitors that have taken the time to bore yourself to death with reading my post about being a black sheep of the family, you know what I am about to tell you just validates those feelings. For those of you not familiar - you can play catch up here .

I just found out my first cousin is really my Half Sister! Our fathers are brothers, and when my Mom & Dad split up, so did my Uncle and his Wife. Needless to say - my father boned his Sister in Law - then went back to my Mom. Well, 2 months later - My Mom and "The SIL" are BOTH pregnant. YEAH. Every adult involved - My parents - my Aunt and Uncle all agreed to let things be, and just raise the kids as their own.

Things ALWAYS find a way to come out. So, my brother - the one who was involved in the accident, and my cousin are 1 month apart. Kinda like my brother and his 2 youngest kids. All I can say is he gets it honest. But anywho...... my cousin/half sister's "father" (my uncle) passed away last year and now she wants to know if we are in fact sisters. She claims she has knew since she was 10 or 11, but never said anything. I would like to know. We talked and I offered to pay for half the cost of a DNA test. Not really sure what she thinks because she has yet to email me back. So...more to come on "My Screwed Up Life & I'm Not Even A Celebrity"

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Finally mastered Beef and Dumplings. I tried my hand at chicken and dumplings earlier in the week and since it went well, Beef and dumplings become the latest victim last night - YUMMMMM

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Since taking over as President of my DD's school PTO, I realize something........ some people have ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS volunteering. Don't just volunteer to help, FINISH the DAMN assignment, volunteer well, GIT-R-DONE. Do not drop off the face of the earth when you have volunteered to chair or co-chair an activity. Hold yourself accountable, be an example for your child. Something I need answered. In a school with over 500 students, and over 100 faculty - why on earth is there only 10 parents and 2 teachers showing up to meetings? Do the math on those percentages. I am embarrassed.

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FINALLY got my computer at home fixed. A wonderful, local blogger and tech savvy gentleman come to my home on Saturday, and helped save my sanity. Please go visit him here . Thank you ELBERT!!!!!!

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HAPPY MONDAY PEEPS!!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Honesty, Smonesty

I got tagged!!! The loverly Sassy got me. Go over and give her some love at www.thelifeofsass.blogspot.com

I am pathetic, can someone PLEASE show me some cool tricks on here?


As with all memes, there are of course rules. I'll just copy and paste here
The rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.


Ick…..6 Things about me…..Ick again…

1. I self sabotage pretty much everything I try to do. Example: I will say “Self, we are going to get back on this health food wagon”. Then, I go straight to McDonald's and order a 2 cheeseburger combo – LARGE with fries and a LARGE Sweet tea with lemon and I EAT.IT.ALL. Another example – I will say “Self, we had a good month with the bills, so let’s put some money in the saving account”. Then, I go to my local Wal-Mart and but a bunch of stupid shit I had no business buying in the first place. Self sabotage – I know I do it, but I cannot stop.

2. Sometimes when I read other Mommy blogs and hear about how they are able to stay home with their kids all day and I get to hear about all things they did all day (things my daycare mom is doing with my kids – but not me) then I get jealous. My Dood is self-employed and makes some good money, but not enough where I would be able to stay home. Even if he did, I don’t think I have the patience to be there ALL DAY, with the kids ALL DAY. Work is my escape and I feel like shit now that I wrote that down.

3. I am obsessed with Perez Hilton.

4. I have NO interest in Twilight or Harry Potter or Anything Sci-Fi. I gag thinking about it. Hate me if you will, but I am being honest.

5. I fully believe in NOT sheltering your child from everyday life. I do not want my kids to grow up in a bubble or LaLa Land thinking bad things never happen, ect. This is a hard one articulate but I am going to try. I want my kids to have common sense, I want them to NOT get culture shock when they head out into the real world. Parents can try all they want by not cussing, or no TV at home or whatever, but, when you get in your car and go down the road, the person in the vehicle next to you may have a porno on in their DVD player, or when you go to the grocery store someone may be in there throwing the word FUCK around like it’s nobody’s business. You cannot control that and I want my kids to be prepared for REAL LIFE.

6. You know that website about overused punctuations? I should be their poster child. Yes cyberpeeps, I know I use !!!! or …… or ?!?!?!?!?! WAYYYYYY too much. But I LIKE IT!!!


Alrighty then, now that I feel like worst mother of the year, I am going to tag some of my peeps. Here they go:
www.cancideandco.blogspot.com – this is one FUNNY beotch, go visit her if you already haven’t.

www.momisodes.com – wonderful blogger and sweet as pecan pie

www.wootershome.blogspot.com – this is a woman who is talented (more than she realizes) and has some FANTASTIC craft projects she has been doing.

www.twodatediva.blogspot.com – she was my first blogger friend and she inspires me with her upbeat personality, and the Pollyanna/Breanna thing we have going…..

www.talledega.blogspot.com – Ms. M. she does beautiful photography and beautiful quilts and is honest in her writing.

www.theneatos.wordpress.com – I thought I pissed her off right before summer because she disappeared for a while, only to return with a vengeance.


Thanks again to Sass for tagging me. Now, go visit her and all the other loverly people I tagged.

A Thousand Words Thursday



Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's fuzzy, but I still do not have a new camera.....

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Truth In Advertising


This was too hilarious to not share with you!!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Baby Blanket


This is a work in progress and only shows the top layer after it has been pieced together.


The yellow fabric has tiny tiny blue dots and the blue fabric has tiny tiny yellow dots.




Thoughts????

Friday, January 16, 2009

Momma Had A Meltdown


Picture this if you will...


You are just getting home from working a 9 hour shift. You get the kids in the door, jackets and book bags put up, start getting dinner rolling, homework-a-helping cause you trying to get out of the house in 45 minutes to attend your first revival. You get things to an idle point and take the puppy out for his potty time. I know this dogs pee/shit schedule. It's cold out. I am walking and walking and walking, he pees, pees again, but no poop. Even after walking for 20 minutes, no poop. So you go in so you can feel your fingers again. Trying to finish dinner, it happens....



I.SMELL.SHIT.



DOGSHIT to be exact.



That little bleeping, bleeping puppy of mine come right in and SHIT in my floor. Not just any shit mind you, DIAREAR. So..... I grab the puppy and proceed to take him into my bedroom to my hubby who is sitting in his man room doing NOTHING - screaming the whole time about how he shit on the floor. In the meantime the puppy was upset and started peeing all over me.


Are we having fun yet?



I shut the puppy in the room with him so I can clean up the mess. I round up the supplies: Resolve foam, plastic Walmart bag, whole roll of Bounty and gloves. As I clean this mess up, there becomes this uncontrollable anger welling up inside of me. As I finish up, all the nasty paper towels and piles of shit were in the Walmart bag, so I tied the handles together so I can throw this nasty bag outside in the trash without the neighbors cat having a field day in it.


But I never make it to the door.


Anger makes me detour into the bedroom.


It went a little something like this:

"YOU HAVE GOT TO START FUCKING HELPING ME. AFTER 10 YEARS YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK NEEDS TO BE DONE AROUND HERE. I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN. I CAN NOT DO IT ALL."


Hubbs eyes look like they are going to pop out of his head.


Then I look over and the puppy comes running at me wanting to play. Oh no....I shook the bag of shit at him and told him to get away from me. He didn't listen. So what do I do? I try to scare him a little, so I act like I am going to smack his butt with the plastic shit bag. THE FUCKING BAG EXPLODED AND SHIT FLEW EVERYWHERE. All over the dog, all over the wall, all over the carpet - again, all over my feet, just everywhere.


What do I do? Cry. I put my face in my hands and just sob. Now, the people that know me in real life know that I am not a cryer. I hide emotions really well. Hubbs, in udder shock that 1. I was crying and 2. that there was a shit-splosion in front of me. All he could do was rub my back and say "Don't worry about the shit honey, I will clean it up, just go get yourself together."



20 Minutes later when he come out of the room he said "Well I guess the shit hit the fan"



All I got to say is YA THINK?



Damn hubbs.......


But the puppy is getting big isn't he? And yes, I have since apologized to him and fed him treats and I give him a bath, yada yada yada......



Thursday, January 15, 2009

A Thousand Words Thursday





For more A Thousand Words Thursday - visit www.cheaperthantherapyjen.blogspot.com Say Hi - and comment. She is wonderful and very talented.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Monday Minutes.....

Is it really possible to play Rockband soo much that you get carpal tunnel? Cause my hands go numb and I get a weird feeling in my wrist after maybe 15 minutes or so of playing guitar. OK, maybe it comes from a desk job.

We basically re-arranged the whole house (kitchen cupboards included) this weekend. After living there for 2 years, we needed a change.

My home is going to be the meeting place tonight for "Taco Night". Can't wait to see hubby's face when he sees the tacos. LOL.....He is such a food snob.

I bought a Bible this weekend. Kind of a big deal since it is the FIRST to enter my home. I also made a delicious cover for it (pics to come). Don't judge.

My creative juices are a flowing so I am taking advantage of it this week as much as possible. I will try to post pics for proof that I can sew something :)

Can the snow pleeeeeeeeaaaasssee come this way? My daughter is going crazy watching the news and seeing everyone else getting it, but us. Boo Mr. Weatherman.

Today when I got in the office and checked my email there was a message from a friend. She lost her baby. She was 17 weeks and just last week they had to stitch her cervix closed and put her on bed rest. Been diagnosed with pcos right before she got pregnant, they told her she had 10% chance at conceiving. So this was a miracle baby. RIP little buddy. Rest in Peace. I want to fly out to her right now and hug her. I want to tell her how I know what she is going through. I want to tell her it will be alright, one day. I want to, but I can't. That makes me feel worse about the whole thing.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Just Plain Ignorance With a Touch of Hilarity...


This sign was posted at my vet's office a couple months ago. Look real close to the left corner...yeah that's a dog turd! That is why the sign is there to begin with. I guess someone got tired of waiting 3 FREAKING HOURS in the waiting room WITH their animal (which is a usual occurence).


I find it hilarious.


HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!!!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

A Thousand Words Thursday


This was taken in 2004 on the back of the cruise boat we were on, somewhere towards Key West, Florida.
For more A Thousand Word Thursday pics go visit Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy

Monday, January 5, 2009

HAPPY NEW YEARS


Yes, I know I am late. Like the picture? Does it make your mouth water? That was taken in the beginning of the night on New Years Eve. In total there was 6 Miller Lites, 6 - jello shots, 1 glass of champagne and 1 large Margarita ingested by your very own Average Girl. Did I throw up? No. Am I surprised? Yes. LOL....

My daughter got to experience the whole ball dropping, champagne toasting tribute. I am a horrible mother - I let her sip my champagne - for the record she hated it.

The son passed out (not from champagne) he can't stay awake very long after bedtime. I still kissed his cheek when the countdown was over.

So....let's get on with 2009 shall we?