Friday, February 27, 2009

My Work Spouse.... As Promised

Ok, Ok, this post was promised to Matter of Fact Mommy since we made a deal if she spilled about her work spouse, then so would I, so here it is.

First off - I have to give a HUGE shout out to MoFM for her brazen, honest, fuck it all attitude. I love her blog and I promise you will too if you go and visit. Tell her hi or you might just get the finger ;)

Just kidding (not really)

Anywho..... Oh yeah, Work Spouse. Here's the deal ladies, I work in an office where I am the only female. Yes, the only person carrying estrogen in her body for 40 hours a week in this workplace. I love it. Could not imagine my job with another woman in this office. I think I would feel violated, like if another woman was to walk in your house, cook your dinner, love on your kids and smooch the Hubby... yeah it's like that. Besides, I really don't care for a lot of women (but I love my blogger women:) and being raised in a household where it was pretty much all men, I just know how to communicate with them MUCH BETTER than women.

So there is a total 6 employees here - 5 men and me. All are married and 40 or over. You know I love me some older men :) I respect everyone of them. I respect their spouses. I respect that some cheat on a regular basis (not with me) and I respect that some are sooo far in debt their creditors call here 10 fucking times a day. I do not respect that some like to share the details of their wives with me. Normally I just shut them down. But, through it all, I have found 1 person here that I can relate to. We have this telepathic vibe thing going on. He respects me professionally and personally. Has cheered me on through my anxiety with the exam, through all the shit with my family and just makes me feel good about being me. It makes me look forward coming to work in the mornings and sometimes I text him "good morning sunshine"

Would THE LINE ever be crossed? No. Never. When you work with someone day in and day out, eventually things get said, shit talking gets spoken but at the end of the day, he looks forward to going home to his wife and I look forward to going home to my husband. We live two totally different lifestyles and understand nothing more than a platonic work relationship could come of it.

So there. My work spouse, unearthed and spoken about.

P.S. if there any of you fellows blogger out there that are going through the same thing, let me know in your comments.

Anxiety Attack

Ever had one? Been with someone who has?

It's fucking horrible.

This past Tuesday I had to take my final State Board Exams.

Monday night I get home, decide I am going to make a chicken and broccoli braid so I get the chicken cooking and everything else rolling. Hubbs and I are chatting in the kitchen. I remind him my exam is the next morning and I have to leave the house at 5:45 a.m. to get there in time.


I turn around and my puppy is the process of eating the crescent rolls off the pan. HE EAT OUR DINNER.....AGAIN. Having no more crescent rolls and realizing how close I am to taking this test, I crack. CRACK BIG TIME. Start crying and go to the bathroom and lock myself in there for the next 20 minutes. I come out and Hubbs is trying to put together a meal for the kids.

Feeling like shit for letting my emotions get the best of me, I pitch in and try to help with dinner. We sit down and my daughter looks at me and says "Mom I thought you were going to bed. Where have you been?" Having no choice, I decide the truth was the best way to go. "Honey, Mommy was in the bathroom crying and trying to get myself calmed down." Then I start crying again..

I fucking suck.

My nerves were so shot, Hubbs took off work on Tuesday and drove me to my test site. There was no way I could have drove there.

End result? I passed the major portion and failed the State Law portion, so overall I failed. I have to retake the State Law portion and plan to do so within the next week while everything is fresh on my brain.



Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Thousand Words Thursday

For more A Thousand Word Thursday go HERE

Monday, February 23, 2009

Happy Birthday!!!

Well, my BABY BOY is officially of school age. The big "5". I am still in shock that MY BABY is "5". No more diapers, no more midnight feedings, no more baby talk.


Now I want another baby.

But that's NOT gonna happen.

I love you little bud! Happy Birthday!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Some Oldies For Ya'll

I got these from my puter at home and I wanted to share.
Have a great weekend everyone!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Tuesday's Tribute

Jay & Deb have started this wonderful idea and I have chose to follow.

Since this is my first Tuesday's Tribute, I have to dedicate this one to my Hubbs.
This is man, who decided to love me. ME
It wasn't easy. I was the one pursuing him. He was shy. So shy, I thought he was gay after our first date. The scene? Ocean City, MD. He was 24 and I was....... 17.5 (probably why he was so shy). We walked the boards (with enough distance between us that people were literally walking through us), stopped into Grotto's for some of their NASTY-ASS pizza then we sat on a bench and talked. Watching passer-bys as we chatted, laughing and just enjoying the cool ocean breeze. He drove me home and I remember smiling so much that night that my cheeks hurt. We got to my house and he opened my door, I got out and he give me the coldest, most tight lipped kiss I had ever had.
Thinking I would never see him again, I drove to his house the next day, professed my interest and............. well, lets just say, he's not gay, just cautious.
That was August 1999
January 2000 I moved in with him.
October 2001 our daughter was born.
September 2002 we were married.
February 2004 our son was born.
December 2006 we bought our first home.
Hubbs has been a wonderful teammate. He participated in midnight feedings, being threw up and pissed on, helped me recover from 2 surgeries, buried both of our first and beloved dogs Roxi & Musi, carried my bloody body in his arms after I wrecked his motorcycle in the neighbors yard, stuck up for me numerous times - even when I was wrong, supported my goals and ALWAYS makes sure I know I am loved everyday.
So Hubbs, this Tribute is for you!
Thank you and I love you!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Purse MEME (Or blogger block)

No tagging this time, I seen Stacie do it and invited us all to share and I'm nice like that so here you go. From top to bottom
#1 - Everything looks pretty normal, Vera Bradley purse - Check.
#2 - Oh Holy Hell.
#3 - The Money Stash and don't think about robbing me I teach takwondo with my weak arm on sick days! LOL.
#4 - The accumulation of our tax documents for this year - nothing important, just floating around in said purse...oh and my Dollar General receipt.
#5 - Stack of current bills that are due, more of the tax papers, wallet, notebook for notes of course, lipstick, a necklace my husband give me, paper clip, keys, pen, some loose change, chamophenik (sp) and that about wraps it up.
Nothing special, just momma stuff.
Your turn, let me in!!!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

A Thousand Words Thursday

For more entries in A THousand Word Thursday - visit Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Follow Up to Previous Post & Some Other Tidbits....

First off, a HUGE Thank You to those of you had the balls to comment on my Abuse post. The encouraging words made me emotional and for those of you who didn't, but REALLY wanted too, it's OK I understand. My mind had toyed with idea of posting about the abuse for a while now. I was afraid of judgement, I was afraid of actually verbalizing what I had experienced. I was afraid of re-visiting the pain. Now that it is out there for all to see, I feel SOOO much better. A weight has been lifted in some ways. Did I ever see a therapist? No. I feel I have overcome that situation. The cycle stopped with me. Yes, I spank my kids - with my hand and only when needed. I know the limits. No belts that's for sure. The cycle still continues with my brothers. Well, my brother (one does not have children yet), he is a verbal and emotional abuser to his oldest daughter and yes, she is in therapy and is old enough to say she doesn't want to go visit him and her mother has stopped making her go. If posting about the abuse helps ONE person, then I will be happy. Whether it is helping a victim overcome or a perpetrator realize what they are doing to their child.


This whole Sulman Octo-babies thing has me in a tizzy. The mother is.... special.... you know.... the motor is running but no one's behind the wheel. She does not deserve to keep her kids, she does not deserve to get all the publicity she is getting and she FOR DAMN SURE does not deserve a free ride. Nuff said........


This whole PTO thing has turned out to be a wonderful, surprisingly fulfilling thing for me. All the effort I have put forth has been commended and appreciated. So in my eyes, it is all worth it.


I finally scheduled my FINAL Real Estate Exam for February 24th. The State boards. The doc is prescribing me Zoloft for my anxiety - during the test. Charge me for performance enhancers - I don't care. All I know is, if I do not have that drug, I will more than likely have a MAJOR and very PUBLIC anxiety attack. Something I would rather not experience. So.... wish me luck!


My baby boy will be turning 5 on the 23rd. 5 YEARS OLD. My BABY will be starting Kindergarten this fall :( No more babies.. He wants a motorcycle themed party at the local bowling alley. He asked and therefore will receive!


Go-Kart Season is among us. My daughter will be back racing and my son had got his first go-kart. Worried? ABSOLUTELY!! There are tons of safety equipment used and yes, something can still happen, but if they were to play baseball, they could fall and break a leg or am arm, so take your pick.


I LOVE all my cyberpeeps. One has me worried though. Two Date Diva is missing....... She was my first fellow bloggers I found and she has stuck with me since I started, but she has not posted since early December????? I sent a message and I have heard nothing.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Was It Abuse?

After reading Miss Brit blog and her post about Spanking it got me thinking.

I was abused.

I really was. Not just "spanked" but A.B.U.S.E.D.

Sometimes in life we experience things and wonder if we can/will/should talk/blog about them. I never really wanted to talk/blog about my ABUSE as a child because I just brushed it off so to speak. But in reality, I never "brushed it off", I never "overcome" it, I just pushed it to the back of my brain and tried to pretend it was alright.

It's not alright and for me to put it in writing says ALOT right now.

Most of you know I no longer associate with my parents and siblings. Most of you know why. Although, most of you do not agree with me, nor understand my position and therefore judge me as "weird" or an "abandon er".

Let me fill you in on some things.

My parents had a belt they named "The Garrison". It was a black, old leather belt with a silver buckle on it. It had been creased in half for so long, the crease was cracked and in terrible shape. This was my parents form of discipline. The arrangement my parents had when it come to us kids was my father would "take care" of the boys and my mom would "take care" of me. My Dad would either use "The Garrison" or straight up have an all out fist fight with my brothers and my mom... well she just bitch slapped the fuck out of me or used "The Garrison". Even at 7,8 years old, I got "The Garrison".

One of the worst memories I have from "The Garrison" was one day I got my ass beat for something with "The Garrison" and as I am laying in my room, on my bed with whelps all over my hands, ass, back where-ever she could hit me in the fit of rage, I was hyperventilating and trying to compose myself when 10- 15 minutes later the door slams open and there is my mother with "The Garrison" in her hand screaming about something I apparently did - my brothers lied and said I did something that I did not do. She beat the fuck out of me AGAIN, over the whelps I already had and was currently trying to recover from. Lets just say it was around mid-afternoon and I never come out of my room the rest of the day. Honestly as I type this post, I REALLY think I just passed out from the pain and lack of breathing associated with the beat down I had just received.

My hands are shaking right now and I keep having to hit "backspace" because my fingers are jumping ahead of me.

We eventually took "The Garrison" and hid it. My parents threatened us if we didn't return it. So we did.

What stopped the beatings? One summer when I was about 14 or so, my parents made me go stay with my cousin (the one who I just found out is more than likely my half sister) the whole summer. Well, while I was gone, my Mom did a thorough room cleaning and under my mattress she found my previous school year picture and on the back I wrote a message for my all time favorite teacher it said
"please help me, I am being abused"

I remember writing that. I also remember the look on my mothers face when she told me she found it. I never got hit again. Not by her anyways.

A year later my mom left my dad and left us kids with her. In my teenage rebellus ways, I started hanging with the wrong people, guys that were using me and I ended up getting pregnant at 15.


My father got a call from a teacher at the school and she told him what she heard - that HIS 15 year old daughter was pregnant. You know what he told me?

Him: "You are only 8 weeks right"?
Me: "About that, I guess"
Him: "Well 8 weeks is good - when I get home I am whooping your ass real good, you aren't that far along and you WILL have an abortion, so it really doesn't matter if I hurt the baby"
Him: "Well we will see about that"

When we got home I started to walk down the hallway to my bedroom and he comes up from behind me and grabs me by the fucking PONYTAIL. My immediate reaction? I reach behind me and start to scratch the hell out of his hands and kicking dents in his shin bones until he releases me.

For all of you wondering right now, YES, they forced the abortion, NO, I did not want to, YES, I am thankful today that I went through with it.

So, was it abuse? Was I wrong for fighting back? Am I wrong for disowning my family?

Thoughts? Tell me, I want to hear them.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Something You HAVE to See!

This was too precious NOT to pass along to you all. Enjoy

My heart melted......

Thursday, February 5, 2009

A Thousand Words Thursday

For more Participants, go visit Jen

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Puff, Puff, Pass

Michael Phelps.... what a bad boy, you need your ass spanked.

This boy trained his whole life to become what he is now. There were no "girlfriends" or "date nights" or "boys nights out" I bet that. Truly, I bet he went to school, then the pool, then home for some dinner and homework. This is a person who never got to experiment with ANYTHING - hell he's probably still a virgin and now that he has accomplished what all those years of training were for, he can relax and enjoy his life.

I'd hit the bong too if I was in his place.

Hell, I hit the bong in High School - and I inhaled.

I got the munchies and laughed until my stomach hurt at the dumb asses I was with.

But any who.... You know what pisses me off more than anything about this whole "situation"?

For the last 3 days I have not been able to turn the TV or radio on with out hearing
"Michael Phelps hit a bong" Michael Phelps was smoking marijuana out of a bong". How about talking about that shit after 9 pm, you know, when you can talk about sex and cuss and all the other things. My kids are hearing this bullshit every time I turn the damn TV or radio on.

That pisses me off more than anything.

Now they say they might press charges against him???? PLAH----LEESE

Let the boy be a boy...... that's all I'm saying... AND KEEP THAT SHIT OFF THE TV AND RADIO!!!!

Rant over, how do you feel about it???

Sunday, February 1, 2009

8 Babies and A Whole Lot of Controversy

Why on earth would someone want 8 babies at one time? Let alone, 8 more after already having 6 kids. Here's your answer: MONEY. That's why. With hopes of shattering a world record, this woman was smart.

You see it all the time. People who fuck up, get the most help. Someone, somewhere, like Dr. Phil or Oprah will get this woman a house, a couple vans, daycare paid for, groceries for life, free health care, clothes for life and of course the kids college paid for.

It makes me sick.

If all the allegations surrounding the conception of these babies is true, she shouldn't get a damn thing. Nothing, except a visit from Social Services to remove ALL the children from the home.

14 kids? In one house? I would literally pull my hair out and probably theirs!

If the Doctor knowingly lied about the conception - he should lose his license to practice because he violated the public trust.

Now I know this is not the fault of the children in this situation. That we are all certain of. However, they do deserve a decent living and there are plenty of American families out there right now, that can not conceive a child, that desperately want a child and are capable of raising one properly.

Maybe I am just hateful or bitter, but really, come one.... Who REALLY wants 14 kids - besides the Duggars? Oh yeah, THEY got everything handed to them too. What about me and my family? My company just stopped offering health insurance and we make way too much to receive state benefits, my husband is self-employed so there is no way we can afford to pay full premium prices for insurance. I have NO college fund started for my kids, and I know this sounds stupid, but I am praying they will get scholarships to pay their way because the way things look now, there is no way we can save money for college without putting our bills aside and losing what we have now. We are living paycheck to paycheck and making it work, but there is NO wiggle room, none.

Maybe I will just rent my uterus and pop out 8 kids to get the rest of my life paid for???? Afterall , it is just kinda sitting there........hhmmmmmmm....