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Friday, February 27, 2009

Anxiety Attack

Ever had one? Been with someone who has?

It's fucking horrible.

This past Tuesday I had to take my final State Board Exams.

Monday night I get home, decide I am going to make a chicken and broccoli braid so I get the chicken cooking and everything else rolling. Hubbs and I are chatting in the kitchen. I remind him my exam is the next morning and I have to leave the house at 5:45 a.m. to get there in time.

Then it hits me. OMFG.... THE EXAM IS HERE. REMEMBER LAST TIME? HOLY FUCKING SHIT BATMAN.

I turn around and my puppy is the process of eating the crescent rolls off the pan. HE EAT OUR DINNER.....AGAIN. Having no more crescent rolls and realizing how close I am to taking this test, I crack. CRACK BIG TIME. Start crying and go to the bathroom and lock myself in there for the next 20 minutes. I come out and Hubbs is trying to put together a meal for the kids.

Feeling like shit for letting my emotions get the best of me, I pitch in and try to help with dinner. We sit down and my daughter looks at me and says "Mom I thought you were going to bed. Where have you been?" Having no choice, I decide the truth was the best way to go. "Honey, Mommy was in the bathroom crying and trying to get myself calmed down." Then I start crying again..

I fucking suck.

My nerves were so shot, Hubbs took off work on Tuesday and drove me to my test site. There was no way I could have drove there.

End result? I passed the major portion and failed the State Law portion, so overall I failed. I have to retake the State Law portion and plan to do so within the next week while everything is fresh on my brain.

I. WILL. PASS.

:)

4 comments:

Sass said...

Hey you.

Don't beat yourself up over the "anxiety attacks."

I'm the queen of them.

And I love that you ended this on a very positive note, because yes, you will pass it.

Sending positive vibes and hugs your way...

Anonymous said...

Kick butt.

You can.

Stacie said...

oh, my anxiety attacks are completely different feeling than that...

usually when I get to the point of crying, that is when it actually feels good to release it all.


it's all the agony BEFORE I let myself breakdown that I consider the attack, in my case.

Candice said...

Aww, I'm sorry about the anxiety attack. Do some things that will calm you down before you take the exam next. You know, smoke a joint, down a 5th of Whiskey, have sex. Something like that. ;)

You will pass. It will happen. I can't wait to celebrate with you when you do.