Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Separation Anxiety

Splitting up, Taking some time, Getting a breather, Sorting your thoughts, Figuring out who you are, Whatever you call it. It's never good. After spending 10 years together including ALL of your adulthood (so far) and all the "Firsts" you share with someone.... this shit is difficult.

It was my decision.

My decision to "wreck havoc" as my MIL in called it.
My decision to "tear the family apart" as He called it.
My decision to "make myself happy" as I call it.

It has been a couple days and the emotions are still very raw. I cry ALOT. My daughter saw me crying so she started crying.

But the odd part is that, it doesn't feel like I'm grieving. Does that make sense. I think I am more scared of the unknown.

Scared to shut the lights off at the end of the day knowing I have no one there to protect the kids or myself, besides myself.

Scared that I may be happy with my decision.

Scared I may flourish as a person without him.

Scared Scared Scared.


Her Royal Highness said...

Hey AG,

...You have you to protect yourself. Install a good alarm and get good service for that alarm. Be vigilant of where you live and get to know your neighbors. You have your community. Even though they make you feel like crap right now (MIL), you have your family too.

...You have the RIGHT to be happy with your decision. You wouldn't have made it unless you thought it would make you both happier in the end.

...You WILL flourish. You SHOULD flourish. You need to be happy. This is what you're doing to ensure that. You'll be okay.

It's okay to be scared. It's natural, even - it's a good reaction to have. That means that you're still human and you're still worried about loss.

((hugs)) You'll make it, woman. You're a strong girl and this is just another storm to bear.

Stacie's Madness said...

well...good to know you are normal. ;) HUGS, you will get through this!

word veri: unity

Hope Floats said...

I am sure the fact that you do not feel like you are greiving is because such stress has been lifted from you. You will do fine and this time will be time of self discovery.

I have blogged about this but after my split, I realized I did not even know what I liked to eat, to do, anything because it has always been him..

You can do it.. :)

Sass said...

Thinking of you...You WILL be fine. Big big hugs to you.

theneatos said...

As you said, it was your decision to make yourself happy. So long as you don't let the chaos and ugly words (and actions) take that away from you, you will be fine. There will be days that you doubt your decision, and just make sure to have the moment that cemented your decision available to reflect on.

You have a big online support system here. So - eff the people in your RL that don't support you.


Anonymous said...

Hey....just an observation from the "other side".....I'm going through the same situation RIGHT NOW....have been since last august when my wife told me that she would like me to leave....she doesn't love me anymore......I was floored......but my situation isn't the point......He will be devestated...angry....confused & just downright out of his mind if our situations are at all does get better for YOU & for HIM.....lot's of emotions , but it DOES get better fot both takes understanding, compation, and the ability to know when ya cannot really get away with murder !!! HA!!! Just a note to let ya know, your blog is worth whatching...thank strong.....he will be too....

M said...

Good post from anonymous (above)

Time heals all wounds.

Nej said...

"My decision to 'make myself happy' as I call it."

Happy is a good thing to be. You didn't make this decision lightly. Sometimes, it just has to happen.

Scared is normal.

kateypie35 said...

I admire your strength. I gave you an award over on my blog. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you! Everything will be ok, it just have to hang in there.
Hugs to you.